1/5 Earth vs. the Spider... Love Triangle Interrupted by Superhero
  by Julian Kennedy (St Pete Florida)
Earth vs. The Spider: 3 out of 10: Earth vs. the Spider is a very slowly paced movie. How slowly you ask? It makes Larry Cohen (It's Alive, Q) look like a music video director on methamphetamine. It makes Mike Leigh (Secrets and Lies) look like Michael Bay (Armageddon).

Director Scott Ziehl has a pretty good story idea to work with (What would happen if Spiderman took on the other spider attributes after his radioactive bite. You know extra legs, a thirst for human blood) and seems afraid to get to the obvious. Instead we have endless tangents about a cop that lost his nerve (Dan Ackroyd) and his alcoholic cheating wife(Theresa Russell).

Not just is this like skipping the shark attacks in Jaws to show an affair between the marine biologist and Mrs. Brody. But both Ackroyd and Russell are simply awful in their respective roles.

Add in a surprising amount of community theater level supporting work and a boring love interest. And Earth vs. The Spider gives us nothing to hold our interest. (In true comic book geek tradition our hero gets nothing but a chaste kiss. Needless to say there is no nudity gratuitous or otherwise. Kind of a surprise from a made for Showtime horror film.)

The movie, of course, has nothing to do with the pretty good monster movie from the fifties that share its name. And as a Spiderman parody Spiderbabe, a Misty Mundae soft-core porn film of all things, upstages it. The monster/superhero does make an appearance in the final ten minutes but I was really to bored to care and director Ziehl was still wrapping up boring love triangles instead of focusing on the good stuff.


Indeed if someone ever makes a Dogma 95 superhero movie I expect it to look like this.



4/5 Arachnophilia...
  by Bindy Sue Frønkünschtein (under the rubble)
Quentin (Devon Gummersall) is a mild-mannered security guard and comic book enthusiast. He dreams of being like his favorite super hero, THE ARACHNID AVENGER. Well, Quentin gets his wish (due to an injection of mysterious spider serum), but things don't go quite as he had hoped. Instead of morphing into a super hero, Quentin slowly turns into a savage spider-monster! This is handled well and the creature's final incarnation is especially hideous. If you crave monster movies, then EVTS should meet your need. Watch for Danny Aykroyd as a cop and Amelia Heinle as Quentin's lovely neighbor, Stephanie. Great stuff...

4/5 Quentin vs Not So Tough Cop
  by Joshua Koppel (Chicago, IL United States)
Quentin works as a security guard at a scientific research facility. But Quentin dreams of more. He wants to be more like the heroes in the comics he reads, particularly the Arachnid Avenger. The lab he works at just happens to be working with spiders. When unknown assailants break into the facility, Quentin allows himself to be injected with a spider serum.

Soon Quentin's life changes. He is stronger and more confident. He seems to be making inroads with the attractive woman next door. But the changes don't stop there. He begins to become monstrous but manages to hold onto a small level of control. Dan Aykroyd plays a cop who has lost his nerve. As he watches his wife fool around he tries to track the mysterious hero.

This was interesting. Flashes of comic books lent to the feel of the film but Quentin and the comic store guy seemed a little childish. The other guard's sympathy for the spider test subjects was also a little odd but it did seem to all fit together. There was of course a clip from the original (still a classic) and some good acting from Aykroyd. All in all it was a pretty fun little film that would appeal to monster and superhero fans.

1/5 Almost unwatchable
  by D. Mitchell
I regret buying this one, I couldn't even finish watching it. If you are intrigued by the positive reviews, rent don't buy!


3/5 the best spider man rip off of all time
  by abe (wva)
this is a spider man rip off but with a far darker tone.dan akroyd plays a serious cop whose trying to get his man.he doesnt do very well and should stick to comedy.kids will get scared.all the money was devoted to the monster in this one and not anything else.the monster is a geek who is enduring a really slow metamorphisis into a man sized spider.its the best spider man rip offive ever seen.there are some parts with nasty spider stuff,so the queasy should look away.there are no hot chicks just some priss the geek pines over all the time.it will probably get a bad rap,but its good.this is the best dan akroyd film but thats because all hisfilms suck.the man spider guy is really neat.id even watch a sequel.