1/5 Complete Garbage!!!
  by JBizzle (Under A Rock)
Wow, how do they do it? I know that I've absolutely hated every single "____" Movie ever made (other than the 1st "Scary Movie", that one was okay), & yet I keep renting these expecting them to maybe be better. I think to myself, "okay, as awful as the others have been, in order for someone to've dumped more money into one of these this has got to be better". And yet time & time again I find myself questioning why I've wasted 90+ minutes of my life time on these amature film maker's (I don't want to call these films) garbage.

Which brings me to "Stan Helsing", made by one of, or some of the hacks who brought us one of the "_____" Movies (who cares which one as they're all equally pathetic. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now, but nooooooo, I saw paradies of iconic horror characters & a distributor that generally takes pretty good care of it's iconic horror & thought "Yes!!! This must be the one that finally will redeem them for all the harm they've done in the past". Nope. Fooled again, I would rather sit through a full 24 hours of back to back Uwe Boll films than ever watch this putrid excuse of comedy (or parady for that matter). It's like these people making these movies don't understand what makes a parody funny. They don't get that just because you have something or someone in a movie that resembles someone or thing else does not automatically make it funny. The only thing that even remotely resembles any of the characters on the cover are the costumes. Nothing else, they expect that because they have these look alikes in their movie that automatically people will laugh. Not so, in fact the people that rented (or god forbid bought) the movie are more than likely fans of the characters & they've more than likely really insulted every single one of those people.

Bottom line, I AM DONE!!! Never again will I rent, buy, go see... whatever, these movies & anyone involved in these various movies, they're all dead to me. I'll pretend they never existed & that'll be the end of them (I hope). I think the only reason they still get funding to make these movies is exactly because of people like me who keep expecting that one day they'll finally have a winner. Advise to any and all movie exec's & producers out there, please oh please stop giving these guys money. Let them crawl back into the holes they came from & let the rest of us get on with our lives. BURN THIS MOVIE!!!!

2/5 Who finances these movies?
  by K. Napier (Loyall, Kentucky USA)
I honestly can't say this is the "worst" movie I've ever seen. Considering it falls into the Spoof Comedy category it's pretty average for these types of films. The last 5 I've seen were real stinkers.

I couldn't make it all the way through in the first sitting. That tells me a lot about a films re-watch value. It has none.

Definitely in the top 10% of the worst movies I've ever seen.

1/5 Gross Vulgar Overkill
  by Ursula K. Raphael (Michigan, USA)
I chose this movie because I love parodies like Scary Movie and Date Movie, and the adult humor in movies like Airplane! and The Naked Gun -- I even love B-movies like Killer Klowns from Outer Space, but I didn't think Stan Helsing was funny at all.

One of the opening scenes was a giant roach glazing a guy's face in a bathroom stall, and the "adult humor" grew progressivley worse with every scene. They even showed "Michael Jackson" handing out lewdly shaped popsicles to kids, from an ice cream truck. Several characters attempting to gratify themselves -- apparently that was suppose to be funny. I can't say much more about the scenes without breaking Amazon's guidelines for review content.

Other details of the movie were just as awful. The group picks up a hitchhiker on the way to the horror town. They attempted a spoof on Charlie Manson by putting a swastika on the end of his nose. It's as if they weren't even trying...just filming whatever lame ideas they came up with: a security guard who gives advice on keeping your chain saw well-oiled, a gay altar boy ("I'm almost a priest"), a vampire brothel/strip club (guess they were spoofing Bordello of Blood), a haunted house complete with a fart room...the longest ninety minutes of my life that I wish I had back.



2/5 Not Even Funny, and I Like These Kinds of Movies
  by D. Diskin (California, USA)
Despite Leslie Nielsen's brilliant performance (as always), this movie was a complete disaster from start to finish. It could have been a gem, too, when you take the off-beat writing style from movies like Airplane and Naked Gun and give it a Halloween twist, but it just didn't happen here.

Pretty much everything that happened was easily predictable, and those that weren't were so outlandishly childish and stupid that they weren't even worth watching.

A few minutes into the movie I was ready to turn it off, but I kept going in hopes of finding something worthwhile. With the exception of Nielsen, that never happened. And the ending was absolutely intolerable.

What's disappointing is that I usually like this genre of movies. I enjoyed Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie, and the aformentioned Naked Gun series and Airplane I/II. This movie? No.

Others have said that the only value in this movie were the attactive actresses and gratuitous shots of cleavage and legs, and while there's some truth to that, it's certainly not worth 108 minutes of your time.

2/5 Stan Helsing- Slow Paced Parody Keeps It Below Average
  by Tante Maren (Ohio, United States)
Stan Helsing- A Parody, could have been a much funnier movie, if only the pace was faster and the humor would have been more outrageous, as in the Scary Movie's. As it is, the movie starts out with the main character Stan Helsing working as a clerk at Schlockbuster, a video rental store, who is made to make a special delivery on Halloween night. He makes the delivery with 3 of his friends while they are on their way to a Halloween Party.
The humor revolves around Stan being constantly mistaken for Van Helsing and always running into many of the great horror stars from movies like Child's Play, Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, Halloween, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and even Jaws.
Parodies are ridiculous imitations of serious movies, so having outrageous humor makes them really funny, and this is what is lacking in Stan Helsing. The movie moves slow and the laughs are cute, but not laugh out loud funny. There are parts where the movie could have been absolutely hilarious, like with the Altar Boy, who is ALMOST a priest, but it seems the humor is kept low, as in the movement of the film.
The movie has some extra's: Commentary, The making of Stan Helsing, Extended, Alternate and Deleted Scenes, Outtakes, Trailer and Galleries. This is a cute parody, which puts it below average, whereas a good parody moves fast and has outrageous humor, which Stan Helsing just doesn't have.