5/5 Positive Examples
  by Christopher Van Putten
I showed this film to raise awareness at the college I live at about the inequality of rights in so many states in the U.S. It did a very effective job and has many emotional points for the difficult legal struggles that gay couples face because their rights are not recognized by many governments.

5/5 Saying "I Do"
  by Amos Lassen (Little Rock, Arkansas)
"Tying the Knot"

Saying "I Do"

Amos Lassen

The two small words "I Do" have taken on new meanings in the world of the 21st century as they represent one of today's hottest issues and have ignited one of the most ferocious political battles in the United States between members of the GLBT community who want to marry and those who are determined to stop them. It is not an easy issue and Jim de Seve shows in "Tying the Knot" some of the complications. The film looks at two examples of couples that would have benefited from having their relationships recognized as marriages. One woman's wife died as she served as a policewoman but the widow received nothing because the dead woman's family stepped in. The other case involved a man who was going to lose his farm because the property he and his partner had shared was in his dead husband's name. What made this so difficult was that even the deceased spouse's sons thought of the widower as a second father, the creditors took everything.
We see the history of marriage in the film and we quickly see that it is a contract based on sexist tradition. We have only had marriages based on love for about 200 years and this has changed thought on what marriage is. De Seve's film puts a human face on the institution of marriage and on the same-sex marriage debate. We learn why such unions have become such a galvanizing issue in America.
The movie examines the movement for gay marriage with its gains and its losses. Much of the movie rests on the Massachusetts decision to award marriage rights to same-sex couples but we also see the road ahead and how far we have yet to go. It effectively challenges what social conservatives see as immutable and unchanging and we see that it is economics and not love that determined marriage for centuries.
Because I am out and open and have my freedoms, I often forget the real reasons why gay marriage is so important. We, as gay people, are denied over one thousand Federal rights and privileges that are available to straight married people. We often forget that behind the issue are human beings and we are made aware how far behind America is in terms of gay marriage. This film packs a punch unlike other early films on the subject and it stuns and angers, educates and touches.
Here is a great resource for showing that this is an issue that affects real people and it is not just a political battle where humanity is reduced to statistics. The main problem is that those who need to see it will not.


4/5 A bit jumpy, but full of content
  by Zelie Nic (Pittsburgh)
There's a lot of things about this documentary that could potentially anger you. Whether it be the hateful comments of the protesters, the coniving actions of one Betty Lou, or the way that the documentary itself, seems to be unfocused from time to time. Perhaps it would have benefitted from a narrator?

The most interesting point was when E.J. Graff (author of "What's Marriage For?") was speaking about the history of marriage and how the institution as we know it today is relativley modern (a result of the industrail revolution) and distinctly radical. Therefore, when the argument is made that gay marriage would fly in the face of established human history, they are beign neglectful that modern marriage does this also.

This film really chronicles the debate over gay marriage in the past ten years. It draws strong comparrisons to interacial marriages and the case of Loving.

This is a great documentary, the only things I didn't like was how it seemed to unorganized; jumping around a lot. Regardless, the content is here, and that's what really matters.

5/5 Powerful documentary
  by Anyechka (Rensselaer, NY United States)
This wonderful documentary takes us beyond the headlines and rhetoric and into the actual lives of the people who are affected by the debate over gay marriage. Too often people seem to forget that behind any issue are the lives of real human beings, who are no different from you or I. The stories of Mickie and Sam are really shocking--it's hard to believe that in this day and age, in this part of the world, people could be denied such fundamental civil and human rights just because of their sexual orientation. Mickie and her wife of ten years, Lois, were Tampa police officers who were warmly accepted by their colleagues, friends, and relatives, yet after Lois was killed in the line of duty, Mickie was denied Lois's pension because of some greedy relatives, and was then forced to pay for the massive attorney's fees even after losing her appeal. Sam and Earl had been married for over two decades and were raising the three sons from Sam's first marriage together, yet after Earl died, a band of bloodthirsty cousins similarly went after Sam. Earl had left everything to him in his will, yet because of a technical error, they got the courts to overturn Earl's final wishes and put Sam in dire jeopardy of being thrown out of his house. These two men had built their Oklahoma farm up from scratch, and because of these cousins who popped out of the woodwork after Earl's death, Sam was being harassed in so many ways (such as a suspicious fire at a house he rented for extra money and a mysterious woman buying the burial plot next to Earl the very day after his death), and also had to start selling his beloved horses to make ends meet. The cousins meanwhile had said they would sell the farm if they got it. These two stories clearly illustrate just how having their marriages recognised by the state would have helped the surviving spouses immensely. Just having a civil union would not cut it; full marriage would have granted them over a thousand basic rights and privileges that straight couples take for granted.

Throughout the film, we also get the history of marriage and see examples of gay marriage in Canada and Holland. It's shocking how the U.S. lags behind at least 24 other nation-states in regards to such a basic human right as gay marriage. The attitude of not just tolerance but acceptance in Holland and Canada is a far cry from the raging debate in the U.S. People who talk about "the defense of marriage" and the definition of marriage being a man and a woman act as though marriage is some monolithic institution that has been the same for the entirety of recorded history, when in actual fact it's only been in the last 200 years or so (at least in the West) that it's become about love instead of economic or social interests. (Although I do wish there had been some historical discussion about the acceptance of same-sex relationships in past societies, such as Greece and Rome.) Marriage was not even considered a sacrament by the Catholic Church until 1215. And the same rhetoric that opponents apply to gay marriage was once not that long ago used to argue against divorce, interracial marriage, birth control (even for a married couple), and women being equal partners in marriage instead of completely subordinate to a husband. In 1948 90% of the American public thought interracial marriage was wrong too and that it was immoral and would destroy the foundations of society, for example. It's also pointed out that the Constitution has only been amended 17 times since the Bill of Rights was ratified, and that if an amendment to define marriage as only between a man and a woman were to pass, it would be the very first time that an amendment would discriminate against a segment of the population and take away their rights, in lieu of granting more rights to a group of people (such as allowing women and African-Americans the right to vote) or to put more checks and balances on the government (such as changing the procedure to elect the president or directly electing Senators). It also seems baffling how the neo-cons are so against these people who want more than anything to be married, in a culture where divorce rates are higher than ever, the marriage age is rising, and a lot of people are just serially cohabiting instead of making their commitment permanent. For people who throw the phrase "family values" around so frequently, they sure don't practise what they preach about valuing marriage and commited families if those familes happen to not fit into their narrow definition of what a real family is. This film also has some conservative commentators who support gay marriage, such as Andrew Sullivan of the New Republic magazine, and Jeff Cook of the Log Cabin Republicans, showing that, contrary to popular belief, this isn't just something that people on the political left are fighting for.

Extras include outtakes from Boston, a Q&A session with director Jim de Sève, audio commentary by Mr. de Sève and Evan Wolfson, a panel discussion, a brief update on Sam and Mickie (and what one can do to help these poor people), a trailer, filmmaker bios, a resource guide, information on the company Docurama, and a catalog of their other documentaries (some with trailers). Overall, it's a great resource for showing people that this is an issue directly affecting the lives of real human beings, not just some political battle where real people are reduced to statistics or soundbytes. Unfortunately, as wonderful, powerful, and well-made as this film is, the people who most need to see it will probably refuse to see it, or won't change their opinion on the issue, although there are always exceptions, such as Rep. Bob Barr (R-Georgia), who actually somewhat softened his former disgust for and opposition to just the idea of gay marriage.

5/5 suitable
  by Kc Of The Silverwood
Though I did not personally view the film, I felt comfortable enough with it to allow it to be screened at the Unitarian Universalist church I attend. The UU Church is interested in social justice issues and welcomed the screening of this important documentary on the nature of marriage in the US.