A lonely and intense 14-year-old horror movie junkie, Zach is a good kid but a little confused as a result of his parents' recent break-up. Perhaps for this reason, he often tends to stretch the truth. His friends, J.T. Heffernan, a computer geek, and Gabrielle "Gabe" Lattanzi, a lovely, intelligent athlete, humor Zach, but know just how much to believe.

On the way home one weekend, Zach becomes lost on a deserted subway platform. When he stops for directions he is attacked, but rescued in the nick of time by Valentine, a self-styled vegetarian vampire from the turn of the century. Finding cold comfort in Valentine's assurance of protection, Zach runs for the first available train. Unfortunately, he steps onto the Undead Express, which is full of vampires who are not, apparently, vegetari...